New Perisseia Series: Communication

Once upon a time, the PSAT exam consisted of two sections, verbal and math, and the score on each section contributed equally to a student’s total score.  When boys consistently and significantly outscored girls, the politically correct College Board decided to give double weight to the Verbal section in order to give girls, who usually have stronger verbal skills than math, an advantage.

It is commonly understood that women are more relational than men, and correspondingly, better communicators.  Fortunately, men and women are not in competition in the body of Christ, and success in the Christian life is not about exam performance.  Perhaps not so fortunately, women are not perfect communicators.  It is my experience and observation that we women sometimes fall short of fulfilling God’s desires and purposes for us by failing to communicate effectively.

Perisseia, Windsor Chapel’s women’s growth group, will spend its Spring term investigating the many components of communication.  We will learn how communication is God’s gift to us: a tool to build relationships that bless us and others and prospers God’s work in us and through us.  Communication 101: Building Relationships that Please and Glorify God, an eight-week series, will begin Thursday, April 19, 7:00-8:30, in the Chapel House.  All women are welcome.  No commitment or preparation is necessary.  For more information, please contact Cindy Bills (clbills@verizon.net; 609-275-8557).

The Wisdom of Wall Art

"Honesty is the Best Image"
                           Christina Lim


"When in Doubt, Tell the Truth"
                        Cynthia Alvarez

Love One Another

The little-known prophet Micah wrote a familiar passage of Scripture: “He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” I would like to extend Micah’s question and ask us at Windsor Chapel: What does the Lord require of us? Jesus proclaimed to His disciples that they were a city on a hill, called by Him to be a light to all who have not heard the Gospel (Matt. 5:14). That light is powerfully described in Jesus’s words recorded in the Gospel of John: “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

So, then, if Windsor Chapel is indeed the body of Christ and is to fulfill its God-ordained purposes, we must love one another. There are many facets to this calling; I would like to focus us on one particular element. In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul gives these instructions: We are to lay aside falsehood; and we are to speak truth to one another in love (Eph. 4:17, 25).

“Speaking the truth in love” is certainly worthy of our attention. Too often, we are not very good at this skill. I would contend, however, that speaking truth is a skill that we can learn by applying God’s truth to our hearts and our lives.

Our ability to speak truth in love to one another depends on our relationship with our Lord and Master. If we are operating from a position of insecurity, we will find ourselves nudged into the “Compare and Compete” game. Our pride will make it difficult for us to affirm and encourage a brother or sister because the “what about me?” voice gets in the way. If we are secure in being the object of our Master’s delight, we will be able to eagerly “share the love” with those we encounter.

But what happens when we have something challenging or unaffirming to say to someone? Again, there are two points of departure, each with a different outcome. If we are insecure and playing the Compare and Compete game, we will be pleased to speak our truth without love because it makes us feel good about ourselves. This is destructive to a relationship and completely counter to our Lord’s desire and intent.

Now we arrive at a particularly challenging point. What do we do when we are trying to maintain a secure identity as a bond-servant of Christ and we have a relational issue with a brother or sister, or when we’re hurt or concerned about the words or actions of a brother or sister? It is my observation that we rarely speak the truth in love to the other party. Sometimes we stew in silence, or withdraw, hoping to be pursued. Sometimes we leave a ministry or even a church. At our worst, we gossip or make negative comments about the other party to others.

There are many excuses for not speaking the truth in love: I don’t want to create conflict; I don’t want to hurt feelings; it wouldn’t be “nice;” it wasn’t that big a deal; it was my own fault; I am making too much of it. Some of these statements may be legitimate, but they do not excuse us from the Lord’s command to speak the truth to one another in love. The aforementioned excuses are usually an attempt to protect ourselves from the stress of potential conflict or pain of ruptured relationship.

So once again I return to the foundational importance of having our identity and value secure in Christ. It is from that foundation that we can relinquish our desire to protect ourselves and prosper God’s work among us by speaking the truth in love. Certainly God does not call us to be “sin police” and be on perpetual “patrol.” It is not our duty to point out every weakness or detail every error. Each of us, however, has the privilege of being a brother or sister to other believers. If we truly care about one another, and if we truly desire to grow in Christ, then we will take the risk of speaking the truth in love and also welcome such words with thanksgiving. As we reach this level of intimacy and trust, our relationships will truly manifest the love of Christ and we will be a beacon in our world.

Living By Faith

"If you can't find God where you are, you won't find Him where you're going."


                                                            Pastor Andy Straubel
                                                            Windsor Chapel

To Be or Not To Be...Proud

My theoretical philosophy of life, as I often share it, is simple and Biblical: my life is not about me; it is about Christ working in me and through me. I am, to my very core, the product of God’s glorious and purposeful workmanship. My value rests in Christ’s finished work on my behalf. I need not earn anything or prove anything. Although the Day of Judgment is coming, I need not fear a performance review. The obedience I offer enables me to partake in the very nature of Christ and participate in His kingdom’s work. Success comes not from working harder and longer but from abiding in Christ and bearing the fruit He enables me to produce.


In Matthew 11, we read that Jesus proclaims that His yoke is easy, and His burden is light. Why, then, do I sometimes approach church life and ministry with reluctance, and if I’m honest, outright dread? The answer is both easy and painful: I will not be able to experience the easy yoke and light burden of a life in Christ as long as I am living for myself and by my own strength. My negative emotions are most often linked to a fear of not meeting expectations. Although this makes hiding in a hole quite attractive, the solution favored by God is rather more demanding: I need to live with my identity and value grounded firmly in Christ, which in turn requires me to give up my pride.


Back in the Garden of Eden, we see Eve as the quintessential do-it-yourselfer. As she engaged in the discussion with the serpent about God and His rules, she ignored the option of including her mate or even God Himself in the conversation. At least part of the appeal of the forbidden fruit—to become wise like God—was that it would make dependence on God unnecessary. She could do it herself. Pride.


Pride, by its nature, creates a focus on self at the expense of everything and everyone. Once Adam and Eve took the fruit and ate, they experienced fear and shame and became preoccupied with covering themselves—at the expense of the nearby fig tree. When confronted by God, they were quick to protect themselves by denying responsibility and shifting blame to someone else. Their pride—our sin nature—has created a fallen world in which identity and value are measured by how our performance compares to that of someone else. C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity, puts it this way: “Pride is essentially competitive—is competitive by its very nature.”


It is my pride that makes me uncomfortable when my picture is taken for the church newsletter. It is my pride that makes a writing opportunity feel like a pop quiz. It is my pride that encourages me to “do-it-myself” in my Christian life. A do-it-yourself Christian is unable to abide in Christ and live as a contented bond-servant. When I choose that mode, I worry about being good enough and meeting expectations, both of which are contingent on the opinions of others. And I can improve my chances for success by being sure to be better than the person beside me. Before long, I find that I am serving a tyrant—me—and looking at others with a spirit of competition rather than love.


The do-it-yourself Christian life follows the law of diminishing returns: the more we do and the harder we try, the less we will know Christ and the less we will be able to love. The only antidote is that offered by Christ: to deny self and follow Him. Making that choice means that I see my life wholly in the context of Christ’s Lordship. My life becomes one that is about Him, working in me and through me. Not only does that bring me genuine peace and joy, it equips me to love others and participate deeply in relationship. It enables me to offer enthusiastic encouragement and receive help as I need it. Please consider this an invitation to join me in the lifelong struggle to relinquish pride and abide in Christ. May we encourage one another in this endeavor.

The Power of Relationship

"All life transformation occurs in the context of relationship."


                                                            Dr. Andrew Straubel
                                                            Pastor, Windsor Chapel
                                              

One Anothering

Many years ago, a popular bumper sticker read, “Have you hugged your child today?”  Although I am not a big fan of bumper stickers, the reminder of what is really important in our rushed society has some appeal.  Now, I would like to translate that bumper sticker to a question for those of us who, as Christians, attend church.   “Have we one anothered lately?”

I know.  “One another” is not a verb.  But if you look at its use in the New Testament, it is always closely associated with a verb.  We are to love one another; encourage one another; exhort one another; forbear with one another; confront one another; and the list goes on.

At the heart of one anothering is relationship.  Godly relationship is the reward when we follow the New Testament’s prescription to live our lives in, with, and among one another.  This is what families do.  As I write this, we are just a few weeks past the holidays, and for many of us, celebrating with our families and extended families has us feeling like we have had enough “family” relationships until next Thanksgiving.

When our adopted daughter was very young, she approached her dad one day and announced that she didn’t like her brothers.  “I want to go back to India so I don’t have any brothers.”  When he explained that she could have brothers in India, she changed her mind and decided to stay.  Her objection to her siblings was repeated and reciprocated many times over as our children grew up.  Our response was always the same: “Siblings are the best gift we can give you.”  Our children sometimes had trouble seeing beyond the annoyance and conflict.  We knew, though, that living together was God’s gift in teaching all of us to love as He loves. 

It is only as we live together that we experience the joy of sharing our strengths and the pain of inflicting our weaknesses.  It is these experiences that sanctify us, that enable us to become more who God created us to be.  Indeed, I was told a while back that the Chinese government had invited Campus Crusade into their universities (!) to help deal with the relationship crisis that had developed as thousands of only children left home and came to school completely unequipped to live with their peers.

It is God’s desire that we share our lives with one another, because as we do, we become more like Him and more able to fulfill His purposes for us, both individually and corporately.  This has a medicinal ring to it—we must do this because it is good for us!  I would suggest, though, that it is sugar-coated medicine: engaging with one another heals and blesses us even as it sanctifies us.  As an illustration, please consider with me a typical church fellowship event, a pot-luck dinner.  What a wonderful way to celebrate the family of God!  Families come together and food and fellowship are generously shared.  But as we know from the gatherings of our non-church families, such an event is not without potential for rising tensions and hurt feelings.

I for one will confess that as I consider what meal to bring I worry that my lasagne won’t measure up to expectations.  It is all too easy for cooks to come to a potluck dinner and feel possessive, defensive, controlling, or competitive about their contributions.  And then there’s the etiquette of the line for food, the behavior of our children, and the “where do I sit” dilemma to magnify the potential for hurt feelings and conflict.  Maybe it would be easier if we all just stayed home.

But if we all just stayed home, we would miss the opportunity to practice finding our identity and value in Christ rather than in how much people like our food or how well our children behave or how well we entertain those around us while we eat.  We would miss the experience of being valued and loved even with our faults.  We would miss the blessing of trying something new with no need to fear failure.  We would miss learning to love and be loved.

So now I return to my original question: Have we one anothered lately?  Please consider this an invitation to explore, develop, and use your gifts and share your lives with your brothers and sisters in Christ.